Marriage Wisdom, 6yrs in


We’ve been married relatively short, but I feel that I’ve grown alot in that time and seen from my own mistakes and by watching other married couples…some important things.

  1. Love your spouse, the way that speaks loudest to them. Do not stop loving them their way, no matter how busy or tired you are. When we are tired we tend to love our spouse in the way we want to be loved, because its easiest and most natural for us, but we must be careful to not do that for too long. Don’t assume you are loving them their way, check in from time to time and ask How did I make you feel loved this past week? How can I best love you this upcoming week? This allows for changes over time, instead of well he/she told me this made them feel loved and then that’s what you do until they die. People change, seasons are different, be open, always learning your spouse.
  2. Find what works for you as a married couple, not based on what other married couples do or how they do it. Don’t compare your marriage to others. You two are unique. If one is an introvert and one an extrovert-find a way to balance this out on rest days, so you are both refreshed without burning the other one out.
  3. Learn to discuss touchy topics, respectfully. Respect your spouses communication style. Perhaps they need a heads up of hey I’d like to talk about (fill in the blank) topic, let me know when a good time would be. Be sure to talk about issues that are bothering you, before you blow up. Also pray, asking God when would be a good time to bring something up that is bothering you or just a heavy topic, I promise he’ll let you know the perfect timing.
  4. Don’t let differences divide you. Learn to see them as an opportunity for growth for each of you.
  5. Focus on what you love about your spouse, call out the good in them, remind them why who they are…is awesome
  6. Vent your complaints about life to, God. Not your spouse. If something or someone in life is just driving you nuts and all you want to do is complain, whine etc, just ask your spouse to pray for you, tell them you are struggling and have them pray right there. DO NOT UNLOAD ALL YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ON THEM, JUST DON’T
  7. Remember you made a commitment, no matter how your spouse is acting. If they aren’t loving/respecting you how you want, it does not give you the right to mistreat them. You are held accountable to God for your actions, your thoughts, your heart-it’s not based on anyone else.
  8. Play together, do the things you both love. Be lighthearted and laugh often. No matter how busy life becomes.
  9. Always be your spouses #1 fan! Cheer them on, encourage them, call out the good, remind them of who God made them to be
  10. Be aware of spiritual warfare against your marriage. Satan wants nothing more than to divide you, put you against each other. If you see this spirit in your marriage, you are under attack.
  11. For women: Do not “MOM” your man. Do not nag, do not belittle him & do not take over. This is completely unacceptable. As women we tend to want things done our way in our time and if not, we take over and then resent our man for not stepping up. Instead trust God to take care of you- if your husband forgets to get something done or if it takes longer than you want, even if it negatively affects you, trust God and keep your mouth shut.
  12. PMS or life circumstance is not an excuse to be snappy, short, rude to your spouse. Yes, they see the best and worst of you, but that doesn’t mean life circumstances give you a free pass